I think the best feeling is when you find yourself in the stillness of the morning, with no one around, but you don't feel alone. It's been a really long time since I felt truly whole. Even when I was in my last relationship I never really felt whole. I had this false sense of fullness... but it was wholeness. I couldn't even be alone without having a wash of dark thoughts come running in. I never felt fully satisfied. I was missing something, and that something happened to be me. I have spent the past five months clenching my chest at night and screaming into pillows. I have spent my breaks crying in bathroom stalls. I have sat on restaurant bathrooms clenching my chest in sheer panic. But they are over, and even though I know I have some more bumpy days ahead.. I know they are over faster. Through every bad night, I have been slowly finding myself. I've been finding this girl I used to know so well. I have a million people asking me for this advice of how to get over
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you remind me of a pianist playing piano gentle, yet loud. you don't say much, but you say everything you catch my attention with the movements in your hands how you genuinely find yourself funny I love watching you laugh at yourself you're kind of beautiful the way you care about people you're like a breath of fresh air you're easy to be around I like wasting time with you sometimes I think there is something there but really, I just like being around you you're like sunshine. warm, and comfortable I appreciate you I appreciate being around you
Dear Jessica, I'm writing this to you, because I have filled up one to many pages with his name scribbled all across the pages. I'm writing this to you, because even though it takes two to tango, you were the one who hurt me the most. See, I sincerely believe girls should never, ever, mess with another girl's feelings. We both know, I told you everything about how hurt I was. I opened up like a blank canvas to you. I gave you so many opportunities to come clean and tell me. Instead, you let me confide in you. You let me tell you all my secrets. You let me explain in detail how he liked to be touched-- were you writing it all down for yourself? Did you impress him? Did you take all my advice about going slow, was he shocked. Does he know? Does he know all the dirty little secrets we shared? Yours included. All your one night stands.. all your broken hearted bullshit. I'm writing this to you, because as someone who preaches loyalty until they are blue in the face you r
You know what the funniest thing about getting cheated on is? ( nothing asshole) But seriously, the worst part has to be that even though they are the disgusting waste of space.. you are the one left feeling awful about yourself. You are the one left feeling empty, and lost. You are the one feeling humiliated. You are left feeling worthless. Why? I seriously do not understand why. Why does him sleeping with MY (ex)bestfriend make me the pathetic one? Pretty sure it should be the other way around. Why does them lying to everyone saying it only happened 'after we broke up' suddenly make them look better? Like are you serious... If anyone seriously believes that, they are just as pathetic. Cheating on someone is like murdering someone. No lie. Its like murder because you take away something so important from them. You take away their self worth. You take away their trust. Their faith. You take away everything they thought they knew. You leave them empty.
Sometimes I have brilliant moments of clarity. Moments where all the bitterness disappears but then I think of all the lies you told me all the moments you wasted on her every breath you took away from me how selfish you both were how wrong and cruel you both are. Its been months, and honestly I have moved on, mostly. I have moved on until I picture the two of you when you were WITH ME when I was crying to her over you, and she.. she was with you while you were touching me, you were touching her the pit in my stomach is turning deeper and deeper While your tongue was learning her body it was forgetting mine it was forgetting the five years we built together in the mere seconds you even knew her the worst part is I introduced you guys the worst part is if I would've just said yes to your business proposal, it never would have happened but I am happy it happened because my life is in the perfect direction right now and I hear otherwise for you funny how karma
Do you ever feel like you're seeing your life through a glass window? Like you're just an actress, playing someone else's role? I feel like that sometimes. I feel like when I dream late at night I am living more of a reality then when I wake up in the morning. I feel like as I go through my everyday routine I am in a numb state. Just a girl walking through her life. I have these goals in my head, all of them I want so bad but I never really talk about them. I think about this house I have wanted for ages, and I think of all the ways I can get it. All the ways I can achieve just being near it, going through it again. I think about things I shouldn't think about too. Like, how I am talking to more than one person. I hear this is normal, and like, what all 20 year olds should be doing but it totally feels wrong. And exciting, and exhausting, and scary, and fun. It gets hard though, because you start to think about each person and each thing that would work better with them
I miss you, but I don't ever want you back. Sometimes, I sit there, I sit so still. I sit and wait for your voice to come into my head again. I miss hearing it. But not enough anymore. I don't miss you enough to want you back, us back. We could never admit it, but we were so stuck in a fairytale that we could no longer see the unhappiness. We couldn't see the addiction. The obsession. Our love for each other was once so intense I could literally feel every single heart beat screaming your name. I could look at my scarred skin and see you running through my veins, knocking the wind out of me. Sucking all of Courtney, out of me. I used to blame you. Hate you even. Sometimes honestly I still do. Because you were the grown up. You should've never let this happen. But it did. And I no longer blame you. I no longer regret you. We had something so undeniably real. Something so twisted and so wrong that it as actually right. Looking back, it used to be in black and white. Now
Dear future lover, Please know that you are dealing with a gentle soul. Although she may appear to be made out of titanium, she isn't. She has just had to pretend for a very long time. She spent years slaying dragons, only to find out that the prince she thought she was saving, was the biggest dragon of all... I know by now, you probably are aware of these walls that she has once again, built so high, and so thick that sometimes you feel like you don't even know her. I know this is annoying, and I know it makes you extra cautious. But please, don't be. Don't be cautious. She is desperately looking for any sign of truth, any sign of the yes, you actually do care what she has wants. She is searching for not only your words, but for your actions. She has heard every kind of 'I love you' that is out there, and honestly she is so tired of it. 'I love you' has sadly become meaningless to her. Meaningless without actions that is. She honestly still believ
Here we are again, old friend. Look at us, back here where we thought we would never be again. Regardless, here we are. Sitting outside alone talking to too many guys, about things we know we don't care about, hoping that they distract--numb us for a little while. But here we are again, silly us, keeping the distant memories of our past ticking like a bomb in the back of our minds, ready to explode without any warning. Yup, here we are again. Back to square one, but this time let's try and make the best of it. You know, as well as me that you're going to be hurting for awhile. But you also know as well as me, that we will get through this. again. again. again. For the millionth time, over the same asshole that put us back inside this tiny box for the very, I repeat, very last time. Let's forget about him cheating on you with your friend. Lets forget about her, and every single memory she came with. Let's start over together. Let's fall in love with ourselv