Courtney Leigh Diaries

Dear Andrew, I saw the photo you uploaded. You look so tired, a bit run down, but you look good. You have the same eyes that tended to stop my heart every single day for five years. They honestly look softer, and for the first time since you left, I did not look into them and feel hate. I did not even feel pain. I have spent 7 months trying to be whole all by myself, and I have finally gotten there. I told not only myself, but everyone around me that I would never forgive you, except today.. when I saw you post the photo of your company launch party I felt proud you. Nothing has shocked me more than looking at that, and literally feeling no anger, or bitterness. I was sincerely happy for you.Then you posted the photo with her, and I wasn't angry. I didn't even think to myself all the horrible things that she did to me. That you did. I genuinely just did not care anymore. Andrew you took all the stars in my sky and made them shine 10x brighter, but you always picked up my wor

I guess today is your big day. Funny, how just a short time ago it was me standing there next to you. Next to you at that very same hanger, at that very same table. It was me holding your hand through every bad moment. Every failed attempt. Every disappointment. I often wonder if you ever think about me. Its been awhile, but I sometimes think about you. I think about how I was the one who never gave up. How through every single stressful day I was there to hold your hand and fluff your ego back up. You put me through the ringer, but I stayed. I think about how just as my suspicion grew hot, you tipped your hat and left me alone. You left me as your life was falling back into place. Im so happy I got to be there for the five shitty years of your failed career just to be left empty, and alone just as you met her, and her family to support you. I hope when the bad days come back you put her through exactly what you put me through. I hope that when you cry, she trembles because she doesn&#

A glimpse into the passages from my notebook I don't show anyone.. "He looks at me while he licks life from his lips, I own you" "I was so busy guarding your back I did not notice the knife  you were shoving into mine" " You knew that you could never tame the fire inside of me, and your biggest mistake was trying to put it out while using her" " my veins bleed your name, while hers cuts them wide open" " Sometimes I catch the faintest aroma of your cologne. It suffocates me" " I write paragraphs you will never read, I cry oceans you could never swim"

As she laid there in the dim lit room, wrist scarred with the blade from his razor. She took another pill and felt herself drifting away from the world she didn't want anymore. Panic slowly creeped in as her breath became faint- still she was calm. This is what she wanted. She needed an escape from what they took from her. From what they did. The pill tastes bitter, it burns her tongue. The taste reminds her of how she feels daily. Numb and sick. The room starts to fade and she feels her heart racing, her mind slowing down to where she can pass out. This is the rush she craves now. The unknown. The scary fact that she may not wake up from the high. Sometimes she wonders if she really does even want to wake up. They took everything from her. The memories of him drown her every night. The lies she told- the images of them fucking- they suffocate her. She takes another pill. This one clearly isn't strong of for tonight's break down. The pill almost tastes sweet this time. Swee

I have been going through some pretty intense emotions lately. This happens to me every so often and quite honestly- it's exhausting. My mind has been so foggy from it that I literally come home from work and cannot even keep my eyes open, let alone focus on anything. I sit down and I literally feel dizzy from how fast my thoughts are running through my head. Its intense, and I cant control it. Honestly the best way to describe the feeling would be like being drunk. Like you know when you drink too much and all the sudden you're spinning-making 8 million decisions, and texting all the people you should not be texting? Ya that's how it feels. I have always always always been an extreme person. I feel in extremes, I act in extremes. There is no medium with me. It tends to be all or nothing and while this is not always a bad thing ( fuck I am scaring away all the bachelors jk boys i'm normal I promise )  it isn't always a good thing. Like I said the foggy whirlwind in

Dear Jenna, My rock, my soul mate, my partner in crime, my shoulder to cry on and my very bestfriend. Where do I even begin? How do I even attempt at writing something well enough to express my gratitude for you? I seriously am a walking whirl wind of emotions and thoughts, but when it comes to you I have no words. I think because there really are no words to tell you or to explain how much I love and need you. I know you are a mushy hot mess and tend to have some serious word vomit, but you know that I tend to bottle my shit up and forget to tell the people that matter.. how much I love them. Its a never ending cycle for us. But anyways. Let me try.  We have always had this unbreakable bond ( so unbreakable that I am not even knocking on wood right now- crazy I know). I seriously have never had any fear in my mind that someone would come between us. Thats the best part about us. We just know. You know exactly how to handle every situation with me, and I know exactly what you a