Courtney Leigh Diaries

And you, you are like climbing mountains constantly leaving me breathless but leaving a view thats timeless & you  are like the ocean beautiful, wild and calm all at the same time & you you are like coming home & finally, you. You are you a perfect mix of whiskey and sunshine

You are everything I want, but nothing I need. You are endless false hope, with misleading words. You are summer nights, good whiskey and dangerously tempting. 

You make me think of endless possibilities, I really appreciate that

I don't know why I still write to you, You've found this new little life without me. I wonder if you still think about me, if i ever just cross your mind when you hear an old song. Drive by our favourite spots. I know I don't love you like I used to, but I still miss you like you just left. I find myself forgetting how it ended, and then I catch myself noticing the signs. Did you try to tell me you were unhappy, like when did I stop being enough? When did you stop loving me? I miss everything. I miss our hour long conversations on the way to cannon beach, tofino, or even just on our way home. I miss the comfortable silence we had. I miss our late night 7/11 trips, laying in our undies until we passed out. I miss the way I could catch you staring at me, I miss stealing looks your way. I miss waking up to seeing you on the computer chair, so tired you were so beautiful though. I miss your hands, how they were always so big next to mine and still so soft. I miss your eyes, a

" & I think the scariest part of healing, is the actual healing. I knew that I needed to get better, but I didn't want the pain to stop (yet). I knew that letting the pain go, would mean letting him go. I knew that I would be letting my whole 'ideal' world go. I knew I would have to start from scratch all over again. I wasn't ready to be ready. I wanted to hold onto the unrealistic false hope, and I needed all the bad nights. I craved the flashbacks, and the blurry vision. I wanted the pain." "-- But, I also knew deep down that I really did deserve better. I didn't deserve to be the fifteen year old girl stolen from her childhood. I didn't deserve my bestfriend doing that, and I sure as hell didn't deserve to give up on future. So eventually, the bags were packed and although my head was a maze of emotions, I ran as far away as I could." "Did it stop hurting?" "... No, and honestly i'm not sure if i

he said more with his eyes than his lips could ever dream of whispering he said more with his hands then his guarded mind ever let on  he was all the summer nights, full of warmth, and excitement but he always leaves you a little homesick