I don't know why I still write to you,
You've found this new little life without me. I wonder if you still think about me, if i ever just cross your mind when you hear an old song. Drive by our favourite spots. I know I don't love you like I used to, but I still miss you like you just left. I find myself forgetting how it ended, and then I catch myself noticing the signs. Did you try to tell me you were unhappy, like when did I stop being enough? When did you stop loving me? I miss everything. I miss our hour long conversations on the way to cannon beach, tofino, or even just on our way home. I miss the comfortable silence we had. I miss our late night 7/11 trips, laying in our undies until we passed out. I miss the way I could catch you staring at me, I miss stealing looks your way. I miss waking up to seeing you on the computer chair, so tired you were so beautiful though. I miss your hands, how they were always so big next to mine and still so soft. I miss your eyes, and how they looked in the sun. I miss the stupid salon, and spending countless hours there. I miss just being beside you. You were my all day every day for years, and now, you are no where. You'll always be the person I look for in a crowded room, and you're all my drunk calls, just to hear your voicemail. You were the sun, and then you went away and took all the stars with you. You took everything. Its been 289 days, and it still fucking hurts. I watch all the videos, all the messages you sent me. I watch them all. It hurts. It hurts. It fucking hurts. I hate how it ended, not even because of her anymore. I hate how we left it like all the love we shared never existed. Like it was never real. I know it was real. I cant even breath sometimes. You started this fire- this addiction inside me and nothing controls it. Your counsellor was right. We had an addictive love. I just want to hear you say that you're happier without me. That your heart is fuller, and more content. That your life has only gotten better since. Maybe then, I'll get closure. I guess I will never know
You've found this new little life without me. I wonder if you still think about me, if i ever just cross your mind when you hear an old song. Drive by our favourite spots. I know I don't love you like I used to, but I still miss you like you just left. I find myself forgetting how it ended, and then I catch myself noticing the signs. Did you try to tell me you were unhappy, like when did I stop being enough? When did you stop loving me? I miss everything. I miss our hour long conversations on the way to cannon beach, tofino, or even just on our way home. I miss the comfortable silence we had. I miss our late night 7/11 trips, laying in our undies until we passed out. I miss the way I could catch you staring at me, I miss stealing looks your way. I miss waking up to seeing you on the computer chair, so tired you were so beautiful though. I miss your hands, how they were always so big next to mine and still so soft. I miss your eyes, and how they looked in the sun. I miss the stupid salon, and spending countless hours there. I miss just being beside you. You were my all day every day for years, and now, you are no where. You'll always be the person I look for in a crowded room, and you're all my drunk calls, just to hear your voicemail. You were the sun, and then you went away and took all the stars with you. You took everything. Its been 289 days, and it still fucking hurts. I watch all the videos, all the messages you sent me. I watch them all. It hurts. It hurts. It fucking hurts. I hate how it ended, not even because of her anymore. I hate how we left it like all the love we shared never existed. Like it was never real. I know it was real. I cant even breath sometimes. You started this fire- this addiction inside me and nothing controls it. Your counsellor was right. We had an addictive love. I just want to hear you say that you're happier without me. That your heart is fuller, and more content. That your life has only gotten better since. Maybe then, I'll get closure. I guess I will never know
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