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I am constantly accused of running away from my problems. I can see why, but I just disagree. I'm a strong believer in the fact that you cannot heal in the same environment you got sick in, and that's just  it. I don't want to be around the people, or places who have made/helped/encouraged the bad things that happen. I am not running, I am escaping. Escaping from the future I see coming, or the pain I can already feel crushing me. I am a curious soul, and when everything is falling apart my internal instinct is to seek a new adventure. I know for some that seems like the cowardly thing to do, but for me it seems right. I want to spend my days on this earth adventuring and travelling and excelling. I want to feel alive. My new worst fear has become ending up alone, and so I want to meet as many new faces and souls as I can. Our time here is so short. I don't want to waste any of it. I find myself getting so lost running around in my head, listening to all the bad thoughts. I literally convince myself no one will stay. But the truth is you attract what you are ready for, and I am not ready for anyone to stay. I gave so much of myself for so long, with nothing in return, that I am literally petrified to give any of myself away. I get all these crazy ideas with people and I want to give them everything, and then when I'm alone I realize that I actually don't want to give them anything, I just want them to stay. And sadly, I know they won't. I know what they want, and it's not me. It's the attention, or the feeling they are after. They like the idea of me, but when it comes down to it, they run too. I want to blame them, but I can't. Because maybe I would've run too. 

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