I wish I could forgive you both. Not even just you, but her too. I think a part of me, deep down wants you to be happy. Not really because I think you deserve it, but because for such a long time I loved you. And somewhere inside me still does. I think a part of me always will. You were my first real love. I have so much hate left burning inside me, but I feel so pathetic still being so hung up on what you did. How you treated me. It sucks knowing you were moved on before you even left. It sucks that you moved on with one of my bestfriends. That you couldn't even move on with someone else. Someone I didn't know. You had to break every part of me, and then when there was nothing left you took her too. You both did something so wrong, and still, you are the ones who get to be happy together living our life. Don't you want a different life. Don't you want someone that doesn't have memories of me.
I want to forgive you. I think it's important. I want to forgive you, because I think I'm ready to forget. And finally forgetting you, and us, will be freeing. I'm scared though. Terrified really, I have spent so long, hating you and crying over you, and feeling so betrayed by you that loneliness has become a familiar friend. It's become the filling to the void that you left me with. I want to forgive you, but how ? I want to taste freedom but how? I want to let you and every single memory with you go, but how? You were my whole life. I grew up literally with you. Seeing you be happy with my (ex)bestfriend should make me want to forget everything. And I do, but I don't. I still have our New York photos, and our couch photos, and our every ducking day photos. You are everywhere. You. Are everywhere. I wish I could be soulless like you. I wish I could go to our old hotels, and restaurants and pretend I don't remember it all. I can't. I watch you buy her the ex
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