I know it's getting old. I know that everyone is probably so over reading about the same thing over and over again. I just don't know what else to write about. Im happier, I actually am doing a lot better than I ever really have honestly. But still. I still hurt so bad sometimes I feel like I cant breathe. Sometimes I still catch myself daydreaming about all the things you said to me. All the lies that totally make sense now. All your excuses for staying out late, or for all your 'business meetings' that I was NOT allowed on. You see, by now, I should be long over this. Who cares I got cheated on. Im not the first, I will certainly not be the last. Yet, to me, it's not even that you slept with her. It's that you could actually do that to me.  You see, we spent five years being absolutely everything to each other. I was your bestfriend, your biggest supporter, your lover, and your most loyal side kick. You were also my bestfriend, my lover, and my supporter. So how, how could you do this to me. I just want to understand where and when this all happened. Deep down, I think I know. No. I know I know. I know it's because I  spent less and less time working for you, and I was trying to build my own career. Meanwhile she was there. She was me, when I was 15, and drooling over the ground you walked on. She was me. She was there working beside you cutting hair,  doing everything and anything in her power to impress you. You became her muse, and I know you liked it. It's how I made you fall for me. So really, I knew this was coming. It's just so sad that it did. How naive of me to honestly believe that we were actually different. That when you said you had never loved anyone like you loved me, I believed it. I believed you. Is it wrong to miss the monsters? Because oh my god, does my heart still miss you. You are the best liar I have ever met. That is the problem. I think you actually believe your own lies. I think you get so caught up in this image that you literally don't even know you're doing it. You twist everyones actions and words so well, that everyone believes your charade. I know exactly what you were doing. You never really went out fully alone until the SECOND day after you left. You always had another 'staff' member there. Just like you did with me. They, the 'staff' were your cover. Your extremely over used cover. I knew deep down ,months ago, that you guys had something going on. Everyone told me. All your staff, even her friends, and my family. But I didn't want to believe it. I didn't want to be the loser that got cheated on. I say loser because honestly, that is exactly how you feel. When you get cheated on, even though they are the bad guys you feel the worst. Its embarrassing, and it's horrible. It makes me feel physically sick. I do actually get sick sometimes. I sit alone, and I think about her picking you up in my driveway, in my house. I remember the first day I watched silently from the window, her getting out of her car, so that YOU could drive it. You guys laughing together, her's being a little too fake. Yours being a little to loud. It makes me sick. How could you do it to me? She was my bestfriend. You were my soulmate. I know that there is literally no point in me dwelling over what has been done but damn. It still fucking hurts. Like a mother fucking bitch- excuse my french but it does. I can literally still feel the knife in my back. The worst part is, I couldn't move on, and I think that you were flattered. I don't think- I know. You love that I was still hung up on you. Even now, knowing that you both stalk my blogs, im sure you just love that I still talk about you the most. It sucks guys, honestly it sucks. It blows. But it happens. Im not the only one, I know that.