-
Another open letter, to you.


Im so disappointed in myself. As I lay here, again, crying over another sad song that reminds me of you. I can literally feel my heart breaking all over again. This burning is unreal. It shatters me to my very core. You said, always and forever. Did you ever mean it? Did you mean anything you promised? I look for you everywhere I go. In ever guy I'm with. I give myself away so quick, too quick. Im just looking for someone to want to hold me. For someone to offer me any sort of escape from you. I'm falling, and you can't break my fall. I am so hurt still. I am so disappointed in myself. Why do I still care, after everything you did to me. You chose to leave your life, for her. You left me a mess on the floor, and I still can barley stand. This pain inside of me in suffocating me. It is so hard to breathe. The tears are so hot they burn my cheeks. I go through so many guys, I can't even keep up. I'm looking for you. I am looking for a feeling im scared I will never find again. I am looking for a feeling that a monster gave me. The devil, who looks so much like an angel when he looked at me. You were so believable. I believed in us. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FhbzoltxZms

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

-
I want to forgive you. I think it's important. I want to forgive you, because I think I'm ready to forget. And finally forgetting you, and us, will be freeing. I'm scared though. Terrified really, I have spent so long, hating you and crying over you, and feeling so betrayed by you that loneliness has become a familiar friend. It's become the filling to the void that you left me with. I want to forgive you, but how ? I want to taste freedom but how? I want to let you and every single memory with you go, but how? You were my whole life. I grew up literally with you. Seeing you be happy with my (ex)bestfriend should make me want to forget everything. And I do, but I don't. I still have our New York photos, and our couch photos, and our every ducking day photos. You are everywhere. You. Are everywhere. I wish I could be soulless like you. I wish I could go to our old hotels, and restaurants and pretend I don't remember it all. I can't. I watch you buy her the ex
Read more
-
Image
Dear future lover, Please know that you are dealing with a gentle soul. Although she may appear to be made out of titanium, she isn't. She has just had to pretend for a very long time. She spent years slaying dragons, only to find out that the prince she thought she was saving, was the biggest dragon of all... I know by now, you probably are aware of these walls that she has once again, built so high, and so thick that sometimes you feel like you don't even know her. I know this is annoying, and I know it makes you extra cautious. But please, don't be. Don't be cautious. She is desperately looking for any sign of truth, any sign of the yes, you actually do care what she has wants. She is searching for not only your words, but for your actions. She has heard every kind of 'I love you' that is out there, and honestly she is so tired of it. 'I love you' has sadly become meaningless to her. Meaningless without actions that is. She honestly still believ
Read more
-
I still think about what you did to me. I won't say it's every night, because time has truly changed that. But I still think about it. I think about how we would laugh so hard we would cry, how he would pick me up from your house, and you would watch us drive away. I think about how he used to roll his eyes at us, when we were cracking jokes at work. How I would tell you everything about us. How much I loved him,  our plans about the future. The future I made sure I included you in, every single time. I told you everything jess, and you just soaked it up. You took my words and you made them your notes. I still remember how it felt the night I tried to disappear. I remember how I couldn't breathe, and how I literally felt my stomach and heart shattering. My whole body shook. The pain was unforgettable. It still makes me ill. I think about you showing up to our house, picking him up, and then you both making excuses for why he was home so late. Why I wasn't allowed to co
Read more