I wish I could forgive you both. Not even just you, but her too. I think a part of me, deep down wants you to be happy. Not really because I think you deserve it, but because for such a long time I loved you. And somewhere inside me still does. I think a part of me always will. You were my first real love. I have so much hate left burning inside me, but I feel so pathetic still being so hung up on what you did. How you treated me. It sucks knowing you were moved on before you even left. It sucks that you moved on with one of my bestfriends. That you couldn't even move on with someone else. Someone I didn't know. You had to break every part of me, and then when there was nothing left you took her too. You both did something so wrong, and still, you are the ones who get to be happy together living our life. Don't you want a different life. Don't you want someone that doesn't have memories of me.
I don't know why I still write to you, You've found this new little life without me. I wonder if you still think about me, if i ever just cross your mind when you hear an old song. Drive by our favourite spots. I know I don't love you like I used to, but I still miss you like you just left. I find myself forgetting how it ended, and then I catch myself noticing the signs. Did you try to tell me you were unhappy, like when did I stop being enough? When did you stop loving me? I miss everything. I miss our hour long conversations on the way to cannon beach, tofino, or even just on our way home. I miss the comfortable silence we had. I miss our late night 7/11 trips, laying in our undies until we passed out. I miss the way I could catch you staring at me, I miss stealing looks your way. I miss waking up to seeing you on the computer chair, so tired you were so beautiful though. I miss your hands, how they were always so big next to mine and still so soft. I miss your eyes, a...
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