-
I want to forgive you. I think it's important. I want to forgive you, because I think I'm ready to forget. And finally forgetting you, and us, will be freeing. I'm scared though. Terrified really, I have spent so long, hating you and crying over you, and feeling so betrayed by you that loneliness has become a familiar friend. It's become the filling to the void that you left me with. I want to forgive you, but how ? I want to taste freedom but how? I want to let you and every single memory with you go, but how? You were my whole life. I grew up literally with you. Seeing you be happy with my (ex)bestfriend should make me want to forget everything. And I do, but I don't. I still have our New York photos, and our couch photos, and our every ducking day photos. You are everywhere. You. Are everywhere. I wish I could be soulless like you. I wish I could go to our old hotels, and restaurants and pretend I don't remember it all. I can't. I watch you buy her the exact same flowers, and hide her at the same hotels you used to hide me at. It burns a little. It makes me bitter. It makes me want to keep writing your awful truths. But I need to let go. You hurt me. You did me so wrong. You both have destroyed a part of me I don't know if I will ever regain or repair. But you two, do not, and will never have the power to own me. So instead, I'll forgive you. Not her because she is nothing to me. But you, you I will forgive because even though you have done the unimaginable, I spent five years of my life, dedicated to loving you. I spent five years growing up with you. I was regretting them. But I don't regret them. You taught me a lot of things. You taught me that no matter how much you love someone they will still disappoint you. You taught me that hard work gets you money, but you will lose friends and relationships and family. You taught me a lot of good things too, you did. But you are undeserving of me saying nice things about you. In this post I forgive you. Not for you but for me, because I no longer want you as the anchor to my past. The shackles to my broken heart.  I forgive you because I didn't deserve to be cheated on. I didn't deserve all that you did to me. I forgive you because I deserve to let it go. Why should I be held prisoner to your mistake. Because darling, loosing me was your biggest mistake.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

-
Here we are again, old friend.    Look at us, back here where we thought we would never be again. Regardless, here we are. Sitting outside alone talking to too many guys, about things we know we don't care about, hoping that they distract--numb us for a little while. But here we are again, silly us, keeping the distant memories of our past ticking like a bomb in the back of our minds, ready to explode without any warning. Yup, here we are again. Back to square one, but this time let's try and make the best of it. You know, as well as me that you're going to be hurting for awhile. But you also know as well as me, that we will get through this. again. again. again. For the millionth time, over the same asshole that put us back inside this tiny box for the very, I repeat, very last time. Let's forget about him cheating on you with your friend. Lets forget about her, and every single memory she came with. Let's start over together. Let's fall in love with ourselv...
Read more
-
I don't know why I still write to you, You've found this new little life without me. I wonder if you still think about me, if i ever just cross your mind when you hear an old song. Drive by our favourite spots. I know I don't love you like I used to, but I still miss you like you just left. I find myself forgetting how it ended, and then I catch myself noticing the signs. Did you try to tell me you were unhappy, like when did I stop being enough? When did you stop loving me? I miss everything. I miss our hour long conversations on the way to cannon beach, tofino, or even just on our way home. I miss the comfortable silence we had. I miss our late night 7/11 trips, laying in our undies until we passed out. I miss the way I could catch you staring at me, I miss stealing looks your way. I miss waking up to seeing you on the computer chair, so tired you were so beautiful though. I miss your hands, how they were always so big next to mine and still so soft. I miss your eyes, a...
Read more
-
heres the thing darling, Its been months. You still stay awake at night thinking about every god damn what if. Every single, is he ever going to come back, does he care. So here is the bitter bitter pill you need to swallow. No. He is never coming back. The truth of the matter is that, he was over you, long before he left you. You see darling, BOYS, like him will never leave you until they have someone new. They aren't men yet. They do not know how to survive without the help. So please love, stop. Stop asking yourself if he cares, because he doesn't. Stop asking if he is coming back, because he isn't. Stop writing him letters, because he will not read them. He has used you for all that he could, and now he is sucking someone else's life.  Stop wondering if it was real, because maybe, for a very short period it was. But it was never right. You were not seen as a person, you were seen as a toy, and honey, you got played. So please, stop. Stop all this. You need to reme...
Read more