Do you ever feel like you're seeing your life through a glass window? Like you're just an actress, playing someone else's role? I feel like that sometimes. I feel like when I dream late at night I am living more of a reality then when I wake up in the morning. I feel like as I go through my everyday routine I am in a numb state. Just a girl walking through her life. I have these goals in my head, all of them I want so bad but I never really talk about them. I think about this house I have wanted for ages, and I think of all the ways I can get it. All the ways I can achieve just being near it, going through it again. I think about things I shouldn't think about too. Like, how I am talking to more than one person. I hear this is normal, and like, what all 20 year olds should be doing but it totally feels wrong. And exciting, and exhausting, and scary, and fun. It gets hard though, because you start to think about each person and each thing that would work better with them opposed to the other. Still though, they make me feel something. If anything, its just a distraction, but a distraction is better than a painless numb tingling.  I feel good when I talk to them. It's nice to feel wanted. Sometimes, looking through this looking glass I catch a glimpse of myself though. She actually looks happy. Like she all the sudden found her smile again, and isn't just faking it. I like these tender moments. The ones where I can feel my heart sewing itself back together. The pieces fitting better than before. I am imperfect, but I am as real as real can be these days.  I appreciate that. I accept that.