Courtney Leigh Diaries

I love the way you pulled my hair hard, but soft all at the same time I wonder if my name slips from your lips when you yell at her knowing that mine is the sweetest taste  in your mouth while I know hers is the bitter regret. my tiny body fit so well beneath you while hers buries you Do you wake in a cold sweat wondering who lays beside you this unfamiliar, lump beside you. not the soft fragile me that spent 1825 nights next to you are her lips as soft as mine as they kiss you in all the wrong places?

I've said goodbye so many times it seems as though now it means hello

And like the ocean She was unpredictable She flowed without hesitation Gets caught up in rip tides Dragging her back and forth Through right and wrong And like the ocean She was a whirl wind of storms Calm, yet dangerous Still, yet constantly moving She could be as bright as the sun Or as dark as the moon And just like the ocean, She was unforgiving She held no grudges Gives no mercy Fearful at best Beautiful up close And just like ocean She has untold mysteries And just like the ocean, So full of beauty She felt unexplored Completely alone 

Another open letter, to you. Im so disappointed in myself. As I lay here, again, crying over another sad song that reminds me of you. I can literally feel my heart breaking all over again. This burning is unreal. It shatters me to my very core. You said, always and forever. Did you ever mean it? Did you mean anything you promised? I look for you everywhere I go. In ever guy I'm with. I give myself away so quick, too quick. Im just looking for someone to want to hold me. For someone to offer me any sort of escape from you. I'm falling, and you can't break my fall. I am so hurt still. I am so disappointed in myself. Why do I still care, after everything you did to me. You chose to leave your life, for her. You left me a mess on the floor, and I still can barley stand. This pain inside of me in suffocating me. It is so hard to breathe. The tears are so hot they burn my cheeks. I go through so many guys, I can't even keep up. I'm looking for you. I am looking for a f...

This is me. Trying to find the right words to describe yourself is sometimes not an easy task. Though lately I feel like I've really been finding myself, and I'm just trying to fit all my pieces back together. So like usual I'll take to writing them down. So, let me formally introduce myself. I like to think of myself as curious. I have an intense passion for adventure and knowing a little about a lot. Nothing makes me happier than being beside the ocean with a coffee in my hand. I'm extremely passionate. This is both my biggest asset and my most dreaded flaw. I take everything I do seriously, and tend to feel feelings with intense emotion. This gets me into more trouble than I would like to admit. I have a heart that tends to be to big for most, but I have a temper that tends to burn bridges. There is no medium with me. I'm all or nothing. A lot of people cannot handle this about me. But the few that do, know that they have he most loyal loving soul in their corn...

To my beautiful sister on her 23rd birthday, There will never be enough words to describe how thankful I am to have you as my big sister. Throughout the years you have been my biggest supporter, my protector and my very bestfriend. There isn't anything in this world I value more than our relationship. I know that no matter what life throws at me I can always come to you for support and advice. You have taken all of my challenges on, and have helped me face every hardship I go through. You have literally saved my life too many times to count. Whether it's protecting me from the wrath of Mum, or agreeing with me over how stupid my ex is, you are always there. I truly hope you know I am your biggest fan, and I will be there for you no matter what. You are such a beautiful person, inside and out. There is nothing you could say to me that would make me think different or judge you. I will burry bodies for you. ( and you know it ) I love you so much lexie, and I cannot wait for ...

" How do you let go?" I have been getting so many private messages from all these wonderful people asking me how I have been letting go. How I have been so positive and moving forward. The truth is, I have no magic answers, I have nothing special to say. The only thing I can honestly think of is to just give yourself time. There is no amount of time that is like BAM you're over it. I'm sorry but there isn't. Some people need a year some people need two days and a bottle of tequila. No, but in all seriousness, there is no time limit. You take however long you need. Just do not focus on the bad stuff all day. Everyday try to focus less on the negative shit and more on the good stuff. I got a really good book, a journal, and a whole lot of wine and tissues and I just cried until I had no more tears, wrote until my fingers cramped and read my book to take my mind away. You need to find your escape. Your escape from- and this is important- the bad stuff. Occupy your...